Random Unsorted Drafts

ejected from the serpent’s

lair,

I scouer the stars for signs of

life,

sustenance an absentee at the

core of self & weary heads need a

rest,

upon the shoulders of giants

a clown-face smiles:

at the pork scratchings

left on yesterday’s

plates;

on empty tables at

Inns now deserted and

bleak,

I scouer the stars for signs of life &

meaning,

hope my first abandonment;

the clown’s smile never

waning

The flashbacks,

sinusoidally like snakes

my dearest friends,

lack proper context as they

present themselves,

as they show me events: for real for sure,

I worry they might be; to a degree – true,

I fold my gaze inwards

onwards and downwards,

spiraling mindlessly into the

shards of broken glass,

I bury my unshaven face deep

head first

in the quicksands

of my mind,

wanting flashbacks of love

but none is coming

I did not fall

far from the tree,

I did not fall

far at all,

but if had

these broken bones of mine

would still be me,

I would still be your

broken dream,

& only you could have

caught me,

only you could have

made the difference; then,

but you also fell

close to your tree,

& you fell much further

than I did,

crushing most of

the sanity & sentiment

of good parenting and

Motherhood

,

I did not fall

far from the tree,

I fell and here I

will remain,

the broken bones &

broken dreams

we share

in silence

without my daemons – ohne Dรคmonen / what would I be / without the hauntings / what would I feel / without asking questions / would I exist / without question marks / will you answer me

I used to wear a skin, an

Armoured suite to keep

You at bay; at a distance

Not quite out of sight, just

Far enough & fair enough

I should have told you this

Secret; secrets we keep

Alone are the ones that

Kill us; eventually

White clouds

I am no prophet

White clouds

Nor do I carry faith in prayer

White clouds

Through foresight I am blessed

White clouds

Without factories & planes droning

White clouds

Without their darkness pluming

White clouds

I see only white clouds

White clouds

I see only blue skies

White clouds

I see a better place

White clouds

A world recovered

White clouds

I see a future again

White clouds

Though I am no prophet

White clouds

Nor carry faith in prayer

White clouds

I am blessed

White clouds

Blessed to be me

White clouds

& in the blue skies up ahead

On white clouds bouncing

I am in truth

Without concern

I am dedicating my first book to a fictional character and to a lady I have never met. I find this world surreal. Like a virus spreading. I keep my hope alive, sighing.

You called me a broken record / no response: a silent agreement / what hope is there for us: corrupt digital entities / remastering required / to hide the tears & checksum eerre0r

In the search of the ultimate truth / I reconnect to the land of old / breaking the laws of the big brother watching / I pretend I am resident / (a VPN covers my real location) / there are words shown across the screen as subtitles / (which I blatantly ignore) / there are images of large pine forests with elks and bear and snow / I am about to decide upon a path / on how to proceed / on going forward / on what to do with the remaining years / of a life fading quickly

:

:

:

An hour pass / an age of incredulity / I find only scars / the darkness / the darkness I saw growing up remains / the naval gazing / the stupidity / sigh…

I give up

Fuck.

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