“we’re that brown sugar, sun-kissed, sorry-not-sorry, black and beautiful americana wet dream.”
“we self-love and hate Trump. we live because we matter. we eat regrets, drink tears, and glow up.”
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“Valerie’s secret. A message hidden in black and white selfies. Red lips, dark eyes, and a reason to live.”
“Lonely but alone. Thoughts and fishnets hug tight enough. She is a body of work still building its foundation.
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Nothing could be so final. So unkind and cold as death. To reserve oneself to the fact that we will all lose what we love the most. How impermanent, home. The walls that absorb our dreams and memories. Torn down. To be lost in the mists of ruin and forgotten.
Aries: The way you look at me is the safest place I know.
Taurus: When I say I miss you, it means there’s so much I don’t know how to say, that places inside me are looking for someone who is only you.
Cancer: Love is what I am when I think of you.
Gemini: I’m losing breath every time your lips form my name, but I keep imagining you standing in the sun and letting every bad feeling go.
Leo: How long will it take for my heart to stop asking what’s missing?
Scorpio: There’s a forest in your bones whose trees I was once born under, now I’d cross thousands of miles and travel by foot without hesitation if it meant being next to you.
Sagittarius: I hate how good I am at missing you.
Virgo: I’ve swallowed so much darkness sometimes the moon wakes up inside of me mistaking me for the night.
Libra: I feel like I’m the wrong word, that the language in me is an ocean I can’t tame. I keep holding its floor with both hands, but the weight of the water will always be a veil around me that doesn’t know my name.
Capricorn: I said your name into an empty room and it became my favourite place.
Aquarius: I’d rob the night of its darkness and the sun of its fire if it meant another sight of you, another moment with you.
Pisces: All I know is that I want you, always.
As a sigh might be a silent scream
oft things here aren’t as they seem
the lies perceived in a lover’s eyes
may be affirming you win the prize
sorrow’s day could be one to care
owning less leaves more to share
even as the dream bids to deceive
it too holds miracles if we believe
all we give away we actually keep
seeking answers look not too deep
we’ll find them if our spirits are still
and don’t forget only love is real
I founded a new religion yesterday One to merge and marry divisions One to cover up the cracks of Oblivion I found peace in the great nothingness Unwanted desires released Undesirable wants eased The butterfly on the steering wheel Flutterings of love unrequited Requirements of fluff lingering I founded a new religion yesterday & You were its Queen & I were not
10/10/20
There are some things too heavy to hold- This body. This hollow body. This brief beacon of awareness. This sack of borrowed bones. This fragile flame whispering in the dark.
We are already drowned. Already dark. A cold beach at night, salt breeze and sand. I followed the stars and washed up on this coastline. This shivering walk. Hungry sea.
Ask the thunder to stop howling. How the storm still hurts. How can the world be so hard? So blue? How can you hold in a voice that begs to burst out?
Fingers. Or claws. Or talons. They cut me all the same. My flesh torn, wounds open for your healing. Soft mouths breathing together. Sentences barely started, everything said in the silence between waves.
The autumn lives in you. The clear blue skies, the changing leaves. The leaving. The memories, the moods, the savage ruin. Why does the pain of being devoured feel so bright?
And yet I barely breathe these days. I exist only to repeat the hymns that praise you. But I will remain as silent as you need me, with all my love echoing through my caverns. These things, unspoken. These hands, still shaking. These things, too heavy to hold.
Mind’s Eye
I don’t hide from the world
I hide from the world my mind made
from perceptions that are
my perpetual persecution
from the disturbing thoughts
like ghosts that haunt
I hide from those eyes
that sprouted from my skin
back when it began
snakes born of sickness
the birth of self-criticism
the inception of self-consciousness
venomous terror
invading my veins
a heart held hostage
to pain
at the end of
a defeated day
I am a crumpled poem in the trash
broken pens
my heart is emptied
of the pulse of words
everything that matters
atrophies
I lay listless
speechless
I let the apathy
swallow me
suffocate all feeling
I want to drown
until morning.
held like breath
in lungs of glass
a fragile hoperendered intangible
this bird, too meek
to part its beak
and make a sounddocile and
weighing
almost nothing
still, it must be graspedlatent are its wings
heart hushed by the windlullabies scare
what is tender
and quiet
for fear of
waking.
I dressed you
With my pleasure
in mind,
Stockings of cheap origin & a top
covering
*nothing*I undressed you
With my pale blue &
left you waiting/cuffed/
with an inflated ego
ergo
without a sum, a cum --dangling
