I founded a new religion yesterday One to merge and marry divisions One to cover up the cracks of Oblivion I found peace in the great nothingness Unwanted desires released Undesirable wants eased The butterfly on the steering wheel Flutterings of love unrequited Requirements of fluff lingering I founded a new religion yesterday & You were its Queen & I were not
10/10/20
There are some things too heavy to hold- This body. This hollow body. This brief beacon of awareness. This sack of borrowed bones. This fragile flame whispering in the dark.
We are already drowned. Already dark. A cold beach at night, salt breeze and sand. I followed the stars and washed up on this coastline. This shivering walk. Hungry sea.
Ask the thunder to stop howling. How the storm still hurts. How can the world be so hard? So blue? How can you hold in a voice that begs to burst out?
Fingers. Or claws. Or talons. They cut me all the same. My flesh torn, wounds open for your healing. Soft mouths breathing together. Sentences barely started, everything said in the silence between waves.
The autumn lives in you. The clear blue skies, the changing leaves. The leaving. The memories, the moods, the savage ruin. Why does the pain of being devoured feel so bright?
And yet I barely breathe these days. I exist only to repeat the hymns that praise you. But I will remain as silent as you need me, with all my love echoing through my caverns. These things, unspoken. These hands, still shaking. These things, too heavy to hold.
Mind’s Eye
I don’t hide from the world
I hide from the world my mind made
from perceptions that are
my perpetual persecution
from the disturbing thoughts
like ghosts that haunt
I hide from those eyes
that sprouted from my skin
back when it began
snakes born of sickness
the birth of self-criticism
the inception of self-consciousness
venomous terror
invading my veins
a heart held hostage
to pain
at the end of
a defeated day
I am a crumpled poem in the trash
broken pens
my heart is emptied
of the pulse of words
everything that matters
atrophies
I lay listless
speechless
I let the apathy
swallow me
suffocate all feeling
I want to drown
until morning.
held like breath
in lungs of glass
a fragile hoperendered intangible
this bird, too meek
to part its beak
and make a sounddocile and
weighing
almost nothing
still, it must be graspedlatent are its wings
heart hushed by the windlullabies scare
what is tender
and quiet
for fear of
waking.
I dressed you
With my pleasure
in mind,
Stockings of cheap origin & a top
covering
*nothing*I undressed you
With my pale blue &
left you waiting/cuffed/
with an inflated ego
ergo
without a sum, a cum --dangling
It doesn’t matter
It doesn’t matter
I let the smoke seep into all that
remained,
into the dry
dreams of
deathI let the smoke fill me
& from there
I took the stairsto Nevermore
madeofsaltwater-deactivated2021:
About Skies and Twilight
fruit fly eggs as the latest superfood!
where wet bulbs and swampmonster apps proliferate,
even vegans enjoy the seedlike pop.
tickety boo bobs yer uncle sam i am good to go
as Kate seeks the first person voice, i question the singularity. how easily i become scottish. im less stoic than before. i say whats on my mind. i drink less coffee. men on ladders look in my window fixing bricks. Kate would know how all this relates to adorno or kafka. She would mention her friend ann who writes books that people buy. She would mention her dog. i read Kate and weep. this reminds me of reading Kate and weeping. I mention painpain. painpain is a quebecois rabbit whose name translates as breadbread. or down the road perhaps, sandwichsandwich.
“if rilke does not understand, its because he does not want to understand.”
-marie darrieussecq/penny hueston
most likely a lover of pears
.
“how easily I become scottish“ – oh, it only takes me a bottle and another half of the same, to hear inside such voices… to express utterances of likeness… Am I already damned or just drunk without knowing ?
Mrrrs
Soon I will fade
Into darkness and the
forgotten
realmMy words will merge with others’
Our diluted truths
standing together
In the room of mirrorsReflecting
A little red riding hood was your only cover,
I stood there naked in the rain
Dangling
Our lips touched briefly
Like two cats
Fighting at night, like a razor long
expiredagainst my puny feathers
of manhood.
