Why oh why
dear vessel of mine
do you require
less and less time
each night
to unwind
Doing my best
to kill you I know
lacking nutrition
fluids are poor
The hours are long
relentless the pace
constantly in overdrive
breaks failing each day
Why oh why
dear vessel of mine
I long for sleep and
dreams of different
times
There is more to you than meet the eye I said staring into the reflection in the mirror. The other me wore a suite, and a tie and had gel in his hair, a weird looking fellow. He didnโt look drunk but still had a happy and content look about him, even though it was the last day of the year. Me on the other hand had been drinking all day, with bottles stashed away in secret locations all around the house I was able to top up throughout the day without having to open the official drinking cupboard which was closely monitored by the elders. My happy self with the cheerful exterior was in no way giving away any signs of what was really going on inside, I so hate New Year.
I did not choose to live when
time was of essence for
all to see and feel and I
stopped living but
time continued
with my breaks on full it
carried on
relentlessly and
I had stopped
thinking I would be
young forever with
choices ad infinitum and
no worries or
sorrows past present
or tomorrow
I had stopped
living but the
clock was still ticking
Freedom,
a concept and
a dream,
filling and fulfilling
the void, yet
caught in the vortex of life,
spinning endlessly and
always falling short,
like a leaf in the autumn breeze,
drifting,
seen but
never heard,
in peace
and yet disturbed
always searching,
never finding, the
elusive dream,
repeating nightly,
I
I gamble
I gamble and play, and fail
I play with no regard, no regret, no remorse โ yet fail
I eat
I eat meat
I eat turkey, Christmas turkey, warm turkey, sliced thin โ white
I know
I know best
I know it all
I hear
I hear and share, share your anxiety lady hawk
I listen
I listen to what you say
I care less, care not
I go
I go cold
I go cold turkey
Why oh why cold turkey โ will it ever stop
You swept me away
Oh mighty Mother river
in search of origin
Oh mighty Mother river
the Weaving Girl
Oh mighty Mother river
revealed your birthplace
Oh mighty Mother river
the cradle of life
the origin of species
from heavenly sources
a flow of pride and
sorrow, the mighty
Mother river, the origin
of all.
Is there a back, a going back
Reversing down a block, down a street, up the hill, til I feel โ lost
Turning right this time, a change, driving down, closing my eyes, Iโm disguised
If not, why not, WHY NOT? Turning back, turning right, turning left was wrong in so many ways
Wet as water, dry as wind
As shameful as it may be
Acknowledging that we are weak
Releases strength, no longer a freak
Standing still, no decisions, causing pain and more resistance
Speaketh not of unknown things
Pain. Do you know pain? Deepened, darkened, angry pain, without beginning and no end
I feel no pain today
Above
Beyond
No pain today
Numbness rule my lands today
The grass no longer grows today
The birds started singing today
For me or them who knows who cares
My bottle is empty
My nose blocks the air
My heart is cold
I think Iโm longing for
Tomorrow
Adventurous is no
middle name of
mine no more. I
had one once but
too heavy to carry
it quietly slipped
into the void it now
shares with that
side of me I will
always miss.
