you did not ask why / I tell you anyway / it was cowardice perhaps / fear driven stumbles through the mists of vanity / you show yourself always / inside and out / I hide and never like / your external images / forgiveness is optional / I care neither way / your beauty persists / my certainty prevail
There are so many voices / voices yet to be heard / will one lifetime be enough / will my lifetime be heard
“I don’t fall in love your words, I fall in love with the way you put them together”
– me,
rotten to the core of man / worms nibbling away at corpses / the hungry and the frozen stiff / hope as the ultimate saviour / mankind is a fragile species / I am no longer / participating
in graves / dug by hand / I stand / mortality’s fleeting end / a mist of death / hovers / I close my eyes / sinking fast
my heart is beating faster than normal
I am staring into the screen, scrolling up and down a
document; a specification of some kind,
click-click – a paragraph highlighted
click – highlight gone
click-click; click
scroll up – scroll down
my heart is beating faster
click
I cannot show it affecting me
click
scroll
click-click
scroll
It must have been about an hour later I realised I could no longer breath…
I have to go now – flight mode on
I stood up, turned left and walked out the office. I did not shed any tears but only because I filled my head with the mantra “there is a bottle of red waiting”, that kept me going. I cannot recall how I got home but I suspect the usual route was taken. The decision of what to do next was fast approaching.
Update: I stayed home for three days but did eventually return to the place of work. The situation got resolved and I stayed on for another four months before fell ill, and I am still in recovery.
then came the end of days / my end of days / the start of my fall from grace / “I do not love you anymore” the final statement / I said nothing, knowing full well the signs were showing / very well then, so be it / I just wished you could have said / “I love you”, just once / before you pushed me / ever so gently towards the edge / my fall from grace commencing
for 30 years I fed the beast / my hypomanic monster / for 30 years it gnawed away / to leave me null and void / for 30 years of serving others / never slowing down / for 30 years I walked the walk / now spineless I withdraw
the scrapbook of lovers departed / pages stained and soiled / memories of times of heartache / leftover from a witless fool
“at times I fantasise that I could be more than marginalia in your memoirs, more than a misplaced hyphen on blank page”
– c#10 – misplaced hyphen
