Author name: Hayden Veil

In an earlier incarnation, Hayden Veil enjoyed a successful career in software engineering, writing late-night poetry in pursuit of sanity. On 2 February 2020, the world of Hayden Veil changed: Ghosts became real and with its soul laid bare there was no turning back from the perpetual path of poetry.

1st.

Poetry Drafts / / By 
As far as time-lines go
I named her my first,
Not knowing her actual gender
I found her sleeping rough,
Beneath a pile of books
I called her pretty,
my dear Roseanna I convey this
In the toungue of the ancient mariner,
I cared for her so blessed life
I carried her with me until her birth,
But without knowing and intention
I failed her as any parent would,
Not knowing her actual gender
I named her my first, my all
With her legacy intact
She now calls me fool,
I hesitate to argue
This smallest of truths,
My first, my unborn

will still be you

Z

Poetry Drafts / / By 
I want love
as a distraction


I want love
and your knickers
in a twist

I want love
and my angel back
& Z is the end of
the love

I seek

the leaf

Poetry Drafts / / By 
Growing up in the dark and the cold
I had a soft spot for the maple leaf:
One of ours made his name afar
Breaking bones defending a thin
blue line

I took comfort and found inspiration;
turned myself into a defender likewise,
We made drawings back then
of famous players; and of contemporary
downhill racers. We drew them and shared
as the children we were

In the land of the maple tree
I did not grow up to become the me,
but the pride of the leaf
remains with me still
on this day as if it was already mine &
for tomorrow

as my guiding light

god of hugs

Poetry Drafts / / By 
If there was a god of hugs, or a god
at all, they would not let me suffer: to be
void of hugs; or kisses for
[ding]
decades

I swear to the highest & the mightiest
that there is a need
a need for hugs &
kissing

I am fucking screaming
for physical contact
& huggings

&

Poetry Drafts / / By 
There are demons lurking, daemons
running in my background; complying
with the orders to stay afloat and remain
in hiding

I said detach &
they obeyed, with redirected I/O
finding the path which I cannot see

I will kill %1 eventually, but until then
I remain their servant
& await my

fate

I failed / meow

Poetry Drafts / / By 
Sniffing glue and cat food // not sure which keeps me alive // masturbating leads to hairy hands // I call in sick // & though I called in sick; attempting to save humanity // I failed // and the girl walked away; meowing

The fall from grace…

Poetry Drafts / / By 
The fall from grace was short
a foot at most
Yet it only took this humble tumble
from a coffee table to the floor
for the screen to crack &
for joy to turn into
fuck

fuck

fuck

going viral

Poetry Drafts / / By 
I hope I never go viral
too many germs for the world to see,
too much of what was hidden
now exposed to a lesser degree,

once obsessed over the little things
I now ignore the ones at large,
the care which could have sustained me
I abandoned & left nothing --

behind

grammatically intrusive

Poetry Drafts / / By 
It was a write-off
like many others,
a Saturday sofa session


Almost coping with the
lack of Wordsworth’s words,
almost feeling obligated to include
an ampersand; an and; an et; but no
in the end resisting such fanciful
pursuits


There are plentiful of abusive ways
pick a language; not your own
a.n.d we dare you
bring it on,
worst of your giving may be best of
my taking; thinking not
but stumbling,
kneeling under pressures of words
spoken without standing under,
a grammatically abusive world


I leave behind me

puddle of love

Poetry Drafts / / By 
I considered veganuary &
going dry for a month

I considered the impacts
of breaking the bane

I found myself wanting
the blood and the soul

a bloody moon looming
above a puddle of

love
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