Author name: Hayden Veil

In an earlier incarnation, Hayden Veil enjoyed a successful career in software engineering, writing late-night poetry in pursuit of sanity. On 2 February 2020, the world of Hayden Veil changed: Ghosts became real and with its soul laid bare there was no turning back from the perpetual path of poetry.

You called me a broken record / no response: a silent agreement / what hope is there for us: corrupt digital entities / remastering required / to hide the tears & checksum eerre0r

In the search of the ultimate truth / I reconnect to the land of old / breaking the laws of the big brother watching / I pretend I am resident / (a VPN covers my real location) / there are words shown across the screen as subtitles / (which I blatantly ignore) / there are images of large pine forests with elks and bear and snow / I am about to decide upon a path / on how to proceed / on going forward / on what to do with the remaining years / of a life fading quickly

:

:

:

An hour pass / an age of incredulity / I find only scars / the darkness / the darkness I saw growing up remains / the naval gazing / the stupidity / sigh…

I give up

Fuck.

You tried to shield me from the harms of the world, from the strangers and dangers of this puny little world, so you told me off for making friends with travelling folk, the son of a clown and a horse tamer, and now you wonder why I have turned you my back, why I no longer say anything that matters, why I regard you in a light gone dark, & why your last days on this earth will be a walk of the silent path

A dark angel came

Riding with pace through the castle gates

Dressed in white lace

Atop a beast

A hell-fire spawn

:

A dark angel came

To take her away from this castle ground

She wore laces & a

Teeth alignment kit

Years in waiting for her first period

:

A dark angel came

No bounty paid

No will of man or beast can set her free

After this she was forever known as

Lzzy

:

A dark angel came

For a girl not yet becoming

For the ultimate prize

For a time

Dreaming

:

A dark angel came

For pleasure

A dark angel came

For me

A dark angel came

Once, until I wrapped my iron clad teeth / around his pride and guiding light / and bit as hard as I could / no that was not me screaming / …

:

A dark angel came

Riding with pace through the castle gates

Dressed in white lace

Atop a beast, a hell-fire spawn

Bleeding

It is late / yet I firmly hope / that before my skin wrinkles and dies / I will touch another’s skin / to feel again / the youthful idea I once had / the story of love that nags me to this day / the story told but not understood / what purpose is there without stories / to carry us forward / to aim and miss / I release my arrows with confidence / expecting no bulls eye / no regrets / just the acceptance / of failure

I stained my fingers uncapping tubes of Winsor & Newton. It is Friday but I found the nudity of the canvas appealing. There were brushes untouched yet longing for my handling. I ignored them and went fingers first.

Life Unaccounted For

I would argue that age is an invalid counter,

That life unaccounted for be ignored,

I have stared into the abyss for too long now,

Avoiding life as mortals count it.

.

.

Finding you, attractive, youthful, being

Considering my age we are the same,

We are of age asimilar &

I am wanting

You.

.

.

But the counting of life moments does,

Unfortunately not consider my views,

So here we go, following the rules, of

Those who think they know it all.

.

.

Here I stand firm in my beliefs,

I am not older than my experiences,

I am not old behind this beard,

I am available,

For none to see

Darling, my dear / to ensure our mutual understanding / I need first to try and convey / the darkness that engulfed me / before we were finally set free / I accepted your loving embrace / with the face of a child wanting / pretending it was not my first encounter / as age did count in my favour / I accepted and reciprocated all that you gave / I found love in that moment however brief / there was fire in our hearts there and then / & in that fire I saw death burning

I speak through the eyes of the unborn child / the un-dithered / I find its purpose perplexing and yet very, very appealing / the un-dithering / I searched for millennia for truth everlasting / dithering / & now & here & everywhere, I walk in shades of unfathomness / pick your truth or I will choose it for you / the green eye / the two pronged crown / or I await you / as sure as sure as sure can be / we will await you at the end of your dream

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