Freedom,
a concept and
a dream,
filling and fulfilling
the void, yet
caught in the vortex of life,
spinning endlessly and
always falling short,
like a leaf in the autumn breeze,
drifting,
seen but
never heard,
in peace
and yet disturbed
always searching,
never finding, the
elusive dream,
repeating nightly,
I
I gamble
I gamble and play, and fail
I play with no regard, no regret, no remorse – yet fail
I eat
I eat meat
I eat turkey, Christmas turkey, warm turkey, sliced thin – white
I know
I know best
I know it all
I hear
I hear and share, share your anxiety lady hawk
I listen
I listen to what you say
I care less, care not
I go
I go cold
I go cold turkey
Why oh why cold turkey – will it ever stop
You swept me away
Oh mighty Mother river
in search of origin
Oh mighty Mother river
the Weaving Girl
Oh mighty Mother river
revealed your birthplace
Oh mighty Mother river
the cradle of life
the origin of species
from heavenly sources
a flow of pride and
sorrow, the mighty
Mother river, the origin
of all.
Is there a back, a going back
Reversing down a block, down a street, up the hill, til I feel – lost
Turning right this time, a change, driving down, closing my eyes, I’m disguised
If not, why not, WHY NOT? Turning back, turning right, turning left was wrong in so many ways
Wet as water, dry as wind
As shameful as it may be
Acknowledging that we are weak
Releases strength, no longer a freak
Standing still, no decisions, causing pain and more resistance
Speaketh not of unknown things
Pain. Do you know pain? Deepened, darkened, angry pain, without beginning and no end
I feel no pain today
Above
Beyond
No pain today
Numbness rule my lands today
The grass no longer grows today
The birds started singing today
For me or them who knows who cares
My bottle is empty
My nose blocks the air
My heart is cold
I think I’m longing for
Tomorrow
Adventurous is no
middle name of
mine no more. I
had one once but
too heavy to carry
it quietly slipped
into the void it now
shares with that
side of me I will
always miss.
Winter clouds
filled with the
snow flakes too
afraid to fall to
my feet. I wait
and long for
the day their
courage return
so I can
huddle up and
sleep
down every street,
around every corner,
into every cul-de-sac and back
these castles, abominations
of the land, mushroom.
Behind their thin curtains,
they keep an eye out,
never looking in.
Behind blinds and shutters
their perverted lives,
petty and poor,
crumbles.
I’ve walked the tranquil paths of the magical forests. With fairy and gnome I’ve hugged threes of old, felt the connection to the mother of all. Felt being alive in a place of life, that just keeps on living.
I’ve huffed and puffed and struggled for days but I’ve sat on the summit, on the top of the world. I’ve see it’s beauty on a cloud free day. I’ll huff again for the vastness and expanse.
Over fields and meadows so far stretching with no beginning nor end. Flowers bloom. Butterflies swarm. I’ve lay down, made new life and sneezed so hard ached for days. But I’d sneezy any day for pick-nicks in the shadow of the oaken trees.
I’ve swam the oceans, floated on the calmest seas, dived he clearest waters I’ve waved to puffy fish and sunken ships. A small step for man but a giant stride for me. Ascending back to reality, frozen stiff, I just wanted to get back in, lightweight and floating effortlessly.
I’ve raced through forest, on winding roads, on stretches of tarmac straighter than the sight to the moon. Speed guns would break, a divine feeling riding with death between your legs accelerating from nought to an orgasmic laugh. But the journey ends, the keys removed, I find myself longing for more, much more.
Inevitably at the of the day I end up somewhere else. It is a place I never choose to go, but one that I can never leave. It’s the quicksand pulling me down, holding tighter. It is the concrete boots in the harbour. The chains in dungeons if old. A place of solitary confinement.
It is a lonely place.
