Every tutorial leaves me with a sour aftertaste, a question of why, and then regret, for attending; pretending to be something I’m not, and then the tutor’s praise in a language I do not comprehend, yet the marks gives me hope, to go on, to progress, to accept I am indeed learning; learning that learning is hard, not like work where I got paid to play, to learn that which was already known; this is new, this is different, yet similar to creating, exploring a world where finding the meaning from a single word might be the reason for being; a distinction – or a plain failure.