I stained my fingers uncapping tubes of Winsor & Newton. It is Friday but I found the nudity of the canvas appealing. There were brushes untouched yet longing for my handling. I ignored them and went fingers first.
February 2020
Life Unaccounted For
I would argue that age is an invalid counter,
That life unaccounted for be ignored,
I have stared into the abyss for too long now,
Avoiding life as mortals count it.
.
.
Finding you, attractive, youthful, being
Considering my age we are the same,
We are of age asimilar &
I am wanting
You.
.
.
But the counting of life moments does,
Unfortunately not consider my views,
So here we go, following the rules, of
Those who think they know it all.
.
.
Here I stand firm in my beliefs,
I am not older than my experiences,
I am not old behind this beard,
I am available,
For none to see
Darling, my dear / to ensure our mutual understanding / I need first to try and convey / the darkness that engulfed me / before we were finally set free / I accepted your loving embrace / with the face of a child wanting / pretending it was not my first encounter / as age did count in my favour / I accepted and reciprocated all that you gave / I found love in that moment however brief / there was fire in our hearts there and then / & in that fire I saw death burning
I speak through the eyes of the unborn child / the un-dithered / I find its purpose perplexing and yet very, very appealing / the un-dithering / I searched for millennia for truth everlasting / dithering / & now & here & everywhere, I walk in shades of unfathomness / pick your truth or I will choose it for you / the green eye / the two pronged crown / or I await you / as sure as sure as sure can be / we will await you at the end of your dream
It is said by some that there are rules of engagement present in all form of combat & love / subsequent to that misconception I find a blank page spreading before my very eyes / there is a tub of ink in the corner and an unsigned check wallowing behind the curtains drawn ahalf / the future is somewhere out there waiting for the sleeping beauty that I am not / I am not her in truth but I once planned our wedding / like I once walked the halls of fortunes where now only scars are resting / a reminder of the torture / of my involvement in a life less ordinary / in truth / a life less than / a life less / a life / a … / … / a dotted remainder of what could have been / had I only understood the rules of the game
I should in light of our previous encounters act upon your solid & frank advice / to avoid her like the plague you say her being solely and firmly consists of / that morning light that greets me steadily behind the folding window blinds / each morning she appears to me in dreams and I find myself once more awake / her touch is poison to those exposed / bloodrayne / or so the story goes
You approach me,
wearing nothing but a tank top,
a grayish piece of cover-naught,
the kind of slutty outfit you know
will turn me on
//
You approach me,
carrying the sharpened knives,
they glisten in the candle light,
making my heart pound faster,
my chains could not be tighter
//
You approach me,
with the seductive smile of an
assassin, unaware of my awareness,
& my reluctance to the dying
process
//
You approach me,
in heels of steel,
excessive streaks of black
circling your tear filled
eyes
//
You approach me,
and I beg for your understanding,
for your mercy, knowing all to well,
I had this coming, this was all
On me
//
You approach me,
wearing nothing but a tank top,
Pouring the candle wax indifferently
Carving your name into my loins
& with a lustless moan I surrender