I Remember

Most of my days were filled with patterns, recurring images of every situation that had gone to pass; and triggered fear deep in my heart.

The darkness now accumulated; the filth beneath slowly rising to the surface; pale tan-less skin I exposed unwillingly, the stench surely tangible in my general proximity.

With time a vicious habit formed, not by choice of conscious act but rather from illness I declare; a statement you may so graciously reject. But of all the things I do remember, only memories of fear still linger.

black mirror

As I enter ever deeper into the black mirror // the doors close behind me // realisation striking; there is no going back // I am sameness; I am sickness // prolonging this careless whisper; futile prescription on repeat // I say “no” to a kingdom of dreams // with the mirror cracking I am left with only doubt // are the reflections real; is there sanity at heart

Binge

I’m on a binge
it’s 100 proof all the way
You see the haze surrounding me?
I’m on a binge
Mr Robot with scattered thoughts
I dream, I wake; corpses roam
I’m on a binge
Caprica, the early years
before the battle, fracking fear
I’m on a binge
on orphan black
I see her – everywhere

faith

I’d rather You

quote your heart

than a book

from long ago,

no matter how

You feel

right now

I do believe

in You

vacuum

The narrow space between duvet and mattress; once my sole comfort zone; now a depraved torture chamber

I am a limited edition humanoid

forget me not

I hope one day to write a book
about a recovering drunk
showing the breadcrumbs left behind
as time flew by and hours passed
the legacy that was never asked
became the item on the list of doubt
never to be forgotten

Listening To A Modem Singing

A modem singing,
I could forsee the speed just by
listening.
By flicking a switch I would go
from 150 to 300 Baud during
early testing,
2400 became 9600
a future restlessness abating.
It unraveled,
Bipolar transfer at 14400
I AM ALIVE;
CONNECT 28800/28800 V42Bis
why did your voice
speak so softly,
why did I listen
without hearing,
why was my time spent alone
in waiting?

the silver lining

I saw a silver lining once,

blowing in the wind by chance,

tossed or otherwise discarded

by one who no longer believed;

behind every cloud a sun,

beneath the tears an honest smile,

between the fading thoughts of life

a new year to bring change;

48% and breathing

Today I dared
to leave the House
my Prison of late
a Maze of doubt and
regret in a haze
of Hatred

Tenpin bowling with
nipples erect
Wishful thinking whilst
bumper car rules
fade

Chilled beer and
cold turkey
I stand alone in the
shadows of
better knowing

The shaved head
an anomaly
The beating heart and
curry linger
Only one of those
abating

Why are you packing?
I love you dearly
Stay. Go. Stay. You.
Icecream lingers longer
freezing

Today I dared
to leave the House
With knickers
in a twist; but
still alive
and breathing

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